Carlisle Consumed
by Sentabire
Summary: Carlisle is crossing the Channel to France, looking for knowledge. There is a fire breathing Super Shark. What's there not to like?
1. A necessary exposition

Carlisle Consumed, a Twilight/Austin Powers crossover

DISCLAIMER: The shark is mine. Nothing else is. I am not Stephinie Meyer. Twilight does not belong to me. Unlike your base. All your base ARE belong to us.

**The English Channel-1699 **

Dr. Evil stamped his foot on the roof of the hovering time machine angrily. Nothing was going like he had planned. Everything had been plotted out to the minor detail, but now his brilliant designs were going down the drain. His plan had been foolproof! He had bred a special shark with teeth that could shred anything, and that had gills that shot flame, even under water! He had built a time machine, so that he could go back, and place the shark in Austin Power's bathtub! But the time machine had messed up, and had landed him here, above the English Channel. Even worse, the special tank build on the underside of the floating time machine had shattered, and his shark had escaped into the waters below. With a sigh, he climbed back into the time machine, and made it return him to his time. The shark was a loss, but he would think something new up. He would get that Austin Powers! HE'D BE BACK!

Well, not really, since he didn't want to return to 1699, but he thought that it was a dramatic way to end a paragraph.

**The English Channel-1699 , several minutes later**

Carlisle thrust himself through the water further, amazed by how easy it was. He had tried swimming the Channel before, but had turned back before he had gone more than five minutes. Now, he was halfway across, and he felt like he could go on forever, especially as he didn't have the horrid cold of the water making him shake, and he could swim far under the waves, avoiding their inconvenient pushes and pulls. It felt exhilarating. He was glad he had decided to go to France, or he would have never felt this. He was fighting nature and winning. He had never been happier to be a vampire.

He sped further through the murky depths, observing the wondrous marine life. The variety of fish and other underwater creatures was amazing! With his enhanced vision, he could see much further in the dark than he could have as a human, and with his stronger body, go much deeper. He also had nothing to fear from any creature that may attack him; if he himself could not destroy himself, nothing he would encounter in the depths of the waters could, even if the sailors stories of sea monsters and krakens were true.

Ahead of him he spied an enormous fish of a kind he didn't recognize. Just in time too; he was growing thirsty and wanted to feed on animals' blood. He had wanted to experiment with fish blood, and this was a prefect occasion. He sped up a bit, until he was even with the enormous fish, and clubbed it across the head hard with his arm. He watched, fascinated, as its face crumpled in, blood leaking out into the water. He tasted it; while not as satisfying as the blood from a deer, it had a certain tang to it that made him want more. He clamped his jaws to one edge of the wound, and greedily sucked at it, watching out of the corner of his eye as its lifeblood streamed into the water that had been its home. When he finally drained it of everything it had, he released it, and watched it drift out of sight. Then, he closed his eyes, and drifted in the water, relaxing and feeling the wonderful feeling of cool water on his skin.

**The English Channel-1699 From the moment when Dr. Evil arrived**

With a splash, the shark hit the water below, among the broken shards of its tank. It looked up at the strange metal canister its creator had arrived in, and snorted. How could someone intelligent enough to create a perfect being like it stand to travel in such an ugly time machine? Besides, from its tank next to the creator's desk, it had seen at least fifteen flaws in the time machine he had built. No wonder said machine had malfunctioned and dropped him in the year 1699. If, the shark decided, it had been in charge of the time machine project, no such flaws would exist. Not to mention the machine would look grander. Perhaps it would be a solid gold effigy of it, the shark. After all, what was greater than itself?

With a final glance at the ugly; no, revolting machine, which was already starting to dematerialize back to its original time, the shark dived into the depths, determined to become king of the oceans. Its skin was harder that steel, and its teeth sharp enough to cut through said metal like a hot knife through butter. Not to mention its staggering intellect, and gills that could emit fire hot enough to burn diamonds. It was only natural for it to become ruler of the marine world.

To prove to itself, and everyone else who was watching, that it was staggeringly superior to anything else under the surface, it casually ate a passing shiver of sharks, seemingly unaware that this was cannibalism. Or maybe it was simply above such minor offences. After all, one who was going to take over most of the world couldn't exactly afford itself such scruples.

It then decided to explore this part of its domain; after all, it needed to decide where its Shark Palace would be constructed. Because every aspiring overlord needed to start its conquering of the world SOMEWHERE. As it though about how to build a palace without any useful appendages, it suddenly noticed a dead fish floating up past it. This was unacceptable. There would be no poaching on its grounds! It would find the creature that did this, and kill it. The shark quickly did an extremely complicated set of calculations involving speed of underwater currents, buoyancy of the dead fish, the fish's amount of friction and fluid dynamics, and figured out where exactly the killer would be at that very moment. Then, it followed the distinct smell of blood in the water in the opposite direction. Naturally, its calculations were not wrong, so the shark decided that physics had made a mistake somewhere, and that since its instincts rarely did that, the blood must be the true trail.

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A/N: Will the shark find Carlisle? Will he fight it off? Find out soon!

Review, please!


	2. Ending one

Carlisle Consumed, a Twilight/Austin Powers crossover

DISCLAIMER: The shark is mine. Nothing else is. I am not Stephinie. Twilight does not belong to me. Unlike your base. All your base ARE belong to us.

A/N: There are going to be two endings, chapters 2 and 3.

**The English Channel-1699 **

Carlisle continued to float, thinking about his plans for the future. Naturally, he was going to France to study; after all, he had until the end of time, and could study what he wished. Perhaps he would then try to wean other vampires off of human blood; murder wasn't right, even if you think it is the only way to survive, especially when it isn't. And animals deserve far less sympathy than humans; after all, animals do not reason. On the other hand, perhaps killing and draining criminals would help the world.

He felt the last vestiges of blood leave the water around him, diluting into the ocean surrounding him, when he suddenly felt something clamp onto his ankle. Startled into wakefulness, he looked down, where he saw a group of sharks, circling.. A particularly brave one was attached to his ankle, though its mere animal teeth were not enough for him to even feel any pain. It was annoying though. With blinding speed., Carlisle whipped up his foot, and flung the shark far off into the waters above him. Then, remembering a waterspout he had once seen, he spun as quickly as he could, which with his vampire strength was a considerable speed, and watched as the shiver of sharks below him was drawn up and past him, disappearing after their brethren. With this minor threat dispatched, Carlisle closed his eyes once more, and drifted off into the recesses of his mind again.

**The English Channel-1699 **

The shark swum further, following the scent of blood in the water, when something shot by it. Even with its super vision, it hadn't been able to see whatever it was coming. The shark considered turning back to see what the thing was, but decided not. Just as it started accelerating once more, it was hit by an large group of smallish sharks, all of them looking very dead, and all coming from the direction of the blood. Now, the shark was getting irritated. Whoever had killed the fish was now also killing sharks, and that was unacceptable. Sharks were the rulers of the sea. Nothing should attack them. The shark conveniently ignored the fact that it had just minutes ago eaten about fifteen of its kin. After all, it was a super shark; it was even more of a king of the ocean than its fellow sharks, and thus was above the rules of the sea. But whoever was down there was clearly an outsider. And outsiders were to be eaten.

The shark flicked its tale even faster, speeding up. Soon, it could see whatever was causing the disturbance. It was a pale white humanoid, though it was clearly not human, as no human could comfortably drift at such depths, not to mention breath. Perhaps this was another one of the creator's inventions, it pondered, but deciding the creator wouldn't mind, it slowed down a bit, and then once it was in range, it struck.

**The English Channel-1699 **

Carlisle never even stood a chance. He hadn't sensed the shark's presence, and by the time he had, it was too late. The shark was far stronger than the ones he had previously encountered, and its teeth easily bit through his skin, panicking as he woke from his daydream, he tried to bash the shark away, but even his prodigious strength was not enough. Within moments, the shark had ripped him to shreds, killing him before he even realized it was a threat. With two carefully aimed fire blasts from its gills, Carlisle was burnt to ashes, which were instantly turned soggy and drifted towards the sea floor.

The shark smirked, as much as a shark can. Nothing could stand in its way. Now that the intruder was gone, it could go about the business of taking over every single thing that lived under the waves, and from there, who knew? Today, the Channel. Tommorow, the world. Now, it still needed to fix the problem of not having hands…

The end

(of this ending. An alternate ending coming next chapter.)

Review, please!


End file.
